I'm in over my head.

So if I go ahead and say to myself..."No one reads this thing anyway" then I can comfortably say what I want to say, right? hmm..ok...

So I felt completely 16 years old last night, and I loved every minute of it. I haven't been literally weak in the knees in years. Even at 4am, I couldn't go to sleep for 45 minutes because it was all I could think about...now I just don't know if the feelings were mutual.

I know things are weird, that there are no guarantees when it comes to anything. I don't expect one little thing to secure my place and everything just fall into place. Maybe she's just not capable of having those feelings for me at this moment...I know that I myself am no good at new feelings either, so I could completely understand...I just don't want her to hold back because she's afraid she'll hurt me. Trust me, the risk of getting hurt by her far outweighs me never knowing what could be. Yeah, she's that cool.

Maybe I come off as trying to move in too fast. I really don't mean to...perhaps I should back off slightly. Or perhaps I should give her time to figure this whole thing out? Although I must admit that while I'm still scared myself...there's kind of no turning back for me now...it's amazing what you can...and will...find when you're not looking for it...

Either way, I'm sure we share some of these feelings, I just don't know to what degree...I hope that she in no way thinks that she is any sort of 'rebound' No...everything is for real...and I mean everything I say. I can see her fears, her worries and frustrations about all of this...and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I worry I'm not doing enough...and other times that I'm doing too much and either way the outcome seems bad...

In the end, perhaps I'm just extremely over analyzing the situation. Maybe I should just step back and breathe...I just don't know what to do with these cliche 'butterflies' ...I haven't had them in years. And also...in the end...maybe the right person will read this...