What the fuck is going on here?

There comes a certain point in people's lives...where they just stop and kind of realize...

'what the fuck is going on here?'

I hit that point today. Let me start with this little disclaimer, just in case a certain person reads this... ***disclaimer to her who remains un-named, yet knows who she is*** I in no way, shape, or form, hold anything against you, nor am I bitter, and I completely believe what you told me, so - there. That's that.

Back to my point. What the fuck is going on here? Why do things not seem to work out for me? I realize in the scheme of things I'm quiet possibly over-reacting...but...I mean I just came out of a 4 year relationship in August. I'm hurt. I'm over it I guess, but I'm still hurt from it, and I want to move on from it. I want to have something of my own to prove that things are different than how they seem.

When the first try with someone didn't work, I didn't take it well at all. I could have been a slightly bigger asshole about some things than I needed to be, but oh well, what's done is done. So anyway, I try to get involved again. Much to my dismay, pretty much the exact same thing happened, AGAIN.

Perhaps it was karma. Or perhaps it was never a big deal to start with. Or...maybe I'm cursed, who knows. I can't be that bad of a person. I know I'm not great, some people insist on telling me that I am, but I know I'm not. I still think I could make someone happy though. I just don't get why I don't get the chance anymore. It's no one's fault really, I don't want people to think I'm going around blaming these people for what is happening in my life - I'm not. But it does indeed suck to have it happen.

I guess I need to quit being so nice and be more like Tucker Max. He seems to have a good time. [If you don't know who he is, you should - google him]