Things have been going...okay - I suppose.
Just been really busy with school. More busy than I thought I could be. But it's all good I suppose. I've gotten really close to Dr. Wilson lately with a few things, it's both funny and creepy at the same time.
Other than that, I'm just looking forward to summer. I'm curious to see what I can make out of it, and what I can get done before I head into my final year of college. Well I say final year. It seems I've been thinking about continuing my education lately. Perhaps a Masters in Music Education. I don't think I'm ready (or prepared for that matter) to advance to a doctorate, but the thought of a Masters does seem possible for me.
It's also probably the most logical thing I could do financially as well, because the job market just sucks right now. Plus the thought of a 12% raise is always appealing. I'm glad I have a little bit of time to think about this, I do have a year before I really have to start worrying about it, so I guess we will see.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Debt Update...because I know you care!
Walmart - $817.................$760
Chase - $267......................$261
Capital1 - $814..................$739
Platinum- $340................$ 0
Wamu - $990....................$940
Target -$178......................$150
Pacsun - $444....................$477
_________________________
Total - $3850....................$3327
Difference of $523 paid in one month. That's not bad, granted...some of it was christmas money, but oh well...at least I got a little dent going in it...we'll see what I can manage to do next month...probably not much of anything.
Chase - $267......................$261
Capital1 - $814..................$739
Platinum- $340................$ 0
Wamu - $990....................$940
Target -$178......................$150
Pacsun - $444....................$477
_________________________
Total - $3850....................$3327
Difference of $523 paid in one month. That's not bad, granted...some of it was christmas money, but oh well...at least I got a little dent going in it...we'll see what I can manage to do next month...probably not much of anything.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I think there's been a misunderstanding.
Haha. A few of you will get the title.
Today is the first day under the new administration in the white house. Great. I'm not really excited by all this like other people are. I mean, I'm optimistic, but it's just another thing. Besides, anyone who really understands politics knows that it's Congress, not really the president who gets things done. Now having Congress being dominantly Democratic, I'm sure some change will take place, but I'm tired of the mentality that it's going to automatically change. It's going to take years, folks - that's all I'm saying.
Other than that, I'm sitting here looking at the snow, something people in this area rarely get to do. I'm supposed to go to Campbell, but I don't really feel like getting out in this, icy roads or not.
So, someone leaves on Wednesday, and I don't want them to. I'm pretty sure I'm not even going to be able to see them before they leave, which is even worse. But if my parents are going to be the way they are, it seems I don't have much of a choice. I have to say though, I'm thankful for Dr. Wilson. This man has loaded so much on me this semester that I don't even have time to be depressed. Ha. I'm sure that's not why he did it, but it's working out well for me. My list includes the following...
22 credit hours of class...conducting the pep band at all the basketball games....conducting a piece in the Wind ensemble concert...conducting a piece in Percussion ensemble...conducting the first half of the Jazz Ensemble concert...as well as practicing and working. I like the challenge though, I think it's going to be fun and make me get off my ass. It also means I don't have much time for much else, so that's how that's going to go.
Today is the first day under the new administration in the white house. Great. I'm not really excited by all this like other people are. I mean, I'm optimistic, but it's just another thing. Besides, anyone who really understands politics knows that it's Congress, not really the president who gets things done. Now having Congress being dominantly Democratic, I'm sure some change will take place, but I'm tired of the mentality that it's going to automatically change. It's going to take years, folks - that's all I'm saying.
Other than that, I'm sitting here looking at the snow, something people in this area rarely get to do. I'm supposed to go to Campbell, but I don't really feel like getting out in this, icy roads or not.
So, someone leaves on Wednesday, and I don't want them to. I'm pretty sure I'm not even going to be able to see them before they leave, which is even worse. But if my parents are going to be the way they are, it seems I don't have much of a choice. I have to say though, I'm thankful for Dr. Wilson. This man has loaded so much on me this semester that I don't even have time to be depressed. Ha. I'm sure that's not why he did it, but it's working out well for me. My list includes the following...
22 credit hours of class...conducting the pep band at all the basketball games....conducting a piece in the Wind ensemble concert...conducting a piece in Percussion ensemble...conducting the first half of the Jazz Ensemble concert...as well as practicing and working. I like the challenge though, I think it's going to be fun and make me get off my ass. It also means I don't have much time for much else, so that's how that's going to go.
Friday, January 16, 2009
When The Storm Calms
Yeah, so last night may have been slightly over-dramatic. Oh well. I guess parts of it are true though. I just needed to complain and get it out of my system. I'll be alright in the end, I guess it's just a shitty road to get to that point.
At least I have my music and...well...my music.
I sit to sit down and do a more serious post sometime in the near future.
At least I have my music and...well...my music.
I sit to sit down and do a more serious post sometime in the near future.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Confession
I have a confession to make. Although I guess it's not one that no one really didn't already know, but I just...I don't know, perhaps I just need to get it out.
I am NOT over you. As much as I tell people I am, as much as tell MYSELF that I am...and as much as I try to hide it with other things...it's undeniably still there. Nagging at the back of my head. I'm still in love with you. And it really makes me sad, mad, it makes me a lot of things. I've been in love before but never like this and then on top of that lost it. I've never been able to just think about someone and automatically start crying.
I DON'T want these feelings. I've tried for almost 5 months now to say I didn't have them. I've liked other people, yet still it comes back to you. I can't shake you. Your new life is happy and you don't have to worry about me anymore, why can't I have the same? Perhaps I don't deserve the same because of what I did years ago, who knows.
I just want my heart back.
I am NOT over you. As much as I tell people I am, as much as tell MYSELF that I am...and as much as I try to hide it with other things...it's undeniably still there. Nagging at the back of my head. I'm still in love with you. And it really makes me sad, mad, it makes me a lot of things. I've been in love before but never like this and then on top of that lost it. I've never been able to just think about someone and automatically start crying.
I DON'T want these feelings. I've tried for almost 5 months now to say I didn't have them. I've liked other people, yet still it comes back to you. I can't shake you. Your new life is happy and you don't have to worry about me anymore, why can't I have the same? Perhaps I don't deserve the same because of what I did years ago, who knows.
I just want my heart back.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Family Reunion
I came to a stark realization today.
I hate my family.
Not my parents, my parents are fine. By family I mean my aunt Deborah and my uncle Butch. (yes, his name is Butch.) Anyway. These two people are the most egotistical, money greedy people I have ever run across in my life, and and luck would have it, they're in my family. I'll prove my point.
My father and my aunt were adopted. They are brother and sister. In common practice, the son tends to get more of the inheritance because that's just old tradition. Now, I believe it should be at least be an even split, but my father did do quiet a great deal back when he was younger (he ran a farm with his dad, and that's not easy stuff to do) But not much can be said for my aunt, for she did next to nothing growing up. Anyway. My aunt has opening made this statement to my father...
"I wish you weren't adopted so that my husband could get everything you're going to get."
What. The. Fuck? How can people be so blindly guided by greed? It's very sad to me. But oh well, people are going to do whatever they want, regardless of what others think of them.
I hate my family.
Not my parents, my parents are fine. By family I mean my aunt Deborah and my uncle Butch. (yes, his name is Butch.) Anyway. These two people are the most egotistical, money greedy people I have ever run across in my life, and and luck would have it, they're in my family. I'll prove my point.
My father and my aunt were adopted. They are brother and sister. In common practice, the son tends to get more of the inheritance because that's just old tradition. Now, I believe it should be at least be an even split, but my father did do quiet a great deal back when he was younger (he ran a farm with his dad, and that's not easy stuff to do) But not much can be said for my aunt, for she did next to nothing growing up. Anyway. My aunt has opening made this statement to my father...
"I wish you weren't adopted so that my husband could get everything you're going to get."
What. The. Fuck? How can people be so blindly guided by greed? It's very sad to me. But oh well, people are going to do whatever they want, regardless of what others think of them.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I am heaven sent.
So I called the insurance company today. I owe 3310.44 to them. I have to do the following:
Pay 310.44 by January 30th....then pay 100 a month for the next 30 months after that.
Fuck me in the ear, this is horrible. Given that this does not incur debt like a credit card does, it still sucks because I would much rather be putting that 100 a month towards something that IS collecting interest. I guess there's not much I can do about it. Well I could pay $2500 by the end of the month, and everything be taken care of. But I don't have 2500, and I don't think my family can help me this time. Fuck. Ironically, I started semi-working at Premieres again, like once a week. This will cover the 100 a month, but like I said, I just wish I could be applying it to other, more worthwhile things.
So hopefully this semester is going to go okay. It seems like it is so far, but only time will tell once I get into the rhythm of things. I am done being nice though. I just don't have the time or effort to put into it. Get used to it.
Pay 310.44 by January 30th....then pay 100 a month for the next 30 months after that.
Fuck me in the ear, this is horrible. Given that this does not incur debt like a credit card does, it still sucks because I would much rather be putting that 100 a month towards something that IS collecting interest. I guess there's not much I can do about it. Well I could pay $2500 by the end of the month, and everything be taken care of. But I don't have 2500, and I don't think my family can help me this time. Fuck. Ironically, I started semi-working at Premieres again, like once a week. This will cover the 100 a month, but like I said, I just wish I could be applying it to other, more worthwhile things.
So hopefully this semester is going to go okay. It seems like it is so far, but only time will tell once I get into the rhythm of things. I am done being nice though. I just don't have the time or effort to put into it. Get used to it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A New Low
So I think I have a problem. I don't think I care anymore. About anything. I don't want to go back to class, I don't feel like dealing with the bullshit anymore. I just don't care. I guess I'll probably wind up dealing with it anyway, but I'm very unhappy about things right now. It's for various reasons, maybe it's just because I feel like it's all piling up on me.
I need to be paying off my debt. I'm doing a better job at that. I need to call that Insurance company because I owe them $2500. But I just don't care. I keep putting it off because I don't feel like dealing with it. Same with finding a car. I just don't have the energy or drive to do anything about it. And don't even ask me about how I feel about relationships right now. I really don't care about them anymore. And if it was up to me, I'll treat every new girl I know like trash because that way I wont have to deal with it anymore.
I miss my best friend. She's coming back Thursday, but...I don't know. She's moving across the country soon, and I don't know what I'm going to do once I know I'll probably never see her again.
Sigh. Life is so over-rated.
I need to be paying off my debt. I'm doing a better job at that. I need to call that Insurance company because I owe them $2500. But I just don't care. I keep putting it off because I don't feel like dealing with it. Same with finding a car. I just don't have the energy or drive to do anything about it. And don't even ask me about how I feel about relationships right now. I really don't care about them anymore. And if it was up to me, I'll treat every new girl I know like trash because that way I wont have to deal with it anymore.
I miss my best friend. She's coming back Thursday, but...I don't know. She's moving across the country soon, and I don't know what I'm going to do once I know I'll probably never see her again.
Sigh. Life is so over-rated.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
What the fuck is going on here?
There comes a certain point in people's lives...where they just stop and kind of realize...
'what the fuck is going on here?'
I hit that point today. Let me start with this little disclaimer, just in case a certain person reads this... ***disclaimer to her who remains un-named, yet knows who she is*** I in no way, shape, or form, hold anything against you, nor am I bitter, and I completely believe what you told me, so - there. That's that.
Back to my point. What the fuck is going on here? Why do things not seem to work out for me? I realize in the scheme of things I'm quiet possibly over-reacting...but...I mean I just came out of a 4 year relationship in August. I'm hurt. I'm over it I guess, but I'm still hurt from it, and I want to move on from it. I want to have something of my own to prove that things are different than how they seem.
When the first try with someone didn't work, I didn't take it well at all. I could have been a slightly bigger asshole about some things than I needed to be, but oh well, what's done is done. So anyway, I try to get involved again. Much to my dismay, pretty much the exact same thing happened, AGAIN.
Perhaps it was karma. Or perhaps it was never a big deal to start with. Or...maybe I'm cursed, who knows. I can't be that bad of a person. I know I'm not great, some people insist on telling me that I am, but I know I'm not. I still think I could make someone happy though. I just don't get why I don't get the chance anymore. It's no one's fault really, I don't want people to think I'm going around blaming these people for what is happening in my life - I'm not. But it does indeed suck to have it happen.
I guess I need to quit being so nice and be more like Tucker Max. He seems to have a good time. [If you don't know who he is, you should - google him]
'what the fuck is going on here?'
I hit that point today. Let me start with this little disclaimer, just in case a certain person reads this... ***disclaimer to her who remains un-named, yet knows who she is*** I in no way, shape, or form, hold anything against you, nor am I bitter, and I completely believe what you told me, so - there. That's that.
Back to my point. What the fuck is going on here? Why do things not seem to work out for me? I realize in the scheme of things I'm quiet possibly over-reacting...but...I mean I just came out of a 4 year relationship in August. I'm hurt. I'm over it I guess, but I'm still hurt from it, and I want to move on from it. I want to have something of my own to prove that things are different than how they seem.
When the first try with someone didn't work, I didn't take it well at all. I could have been a slightly bigger asshole about some things than I needed to be, but oh well, what's done is done. So anyway, I try to get involved again. Much to my dismay, pretty much the exact same thing happened, AGAIN.
Perhaps it was karma. Or perhaps it was never a big deal to start with. Or...maybe I'm cursed, who knows. I can't be that bad of a person. I know I'm not great, some people insist on telling me that I am, but I know I'm not. I still think I could make someone happy though. I just don't get why I don't get the chance anymore. It's no one's fault really, I don't want people to think I'm going around blaming these people for what is happening in my life - I'm not. But it does indeed suck to have it happen.
I guess I need to quit being so nice and be more like Tucker Max. He seems to have a good time. [If you don't know who he is, you should - google him]
Friday, January 2, 2009
I hope they serve...
Beer in hell... haha. VERY good book, I suggest you pick it up. Anyway...
Hm. It's now officially 2009. I must admit that I'm very happy for this...I'm really hoping this year goes better. See...people often say things they don't mean, but I mean it when I say 2008 was the worst year of my life thus far. I realize I've only had 21 years here, but 2008 tops it. For many reasons. And if you're not one of about 4 or 5 people, you would not understand.
I spent the New Year celebration at the Araujo's house. Tons of fun, except for this one fight we got into today...but oh well it's fine now. Anyway...I had fun playing Rock Band 2 and Little Big Planet...[thanks to Sheila some random Canadian thinks I'm gay] But I really wish I could have have spent it with....well....someone else, but her parents didn't think so.
I think that 2009 is going to have some better things in store for me, I can only hope so. I think things might begin to look up soon, and that makes me excited. I did not really claim a 'new years resolution'...however I do have a goal of making it a good year, so I guess that counts.
Hm. It's now officially 2009. I must admit that I'm very happy for this...I'm really hoping this year goes better. See...people often say things they don't mean, but I mean it when I say 2008 was the worst year of my life thus far. I realize I've only had 21 years here, but 2008 tops it. For many reasons. And if you're not one of about 4 or 5 people, you would not understand.
I spent the New Year celebration at the Araujo's house. Tons of fun, except for this one fight we got into today...but oh well it's fine now. Anyway...I had fun playing Rock Band 2 and Little Big Planet...[thanks to Sheila some random Canadian thinks I'm gay] But I really wish I could have have spent it with....well....someone else, but her parents didn't think so.
I think that 2009 is going to have some better things in store for me, I can only hope so. I think things might begin to look up soon, and that makes me excited. I did not really claim a 'new years resolution'...however I do have a goal of making it a good year, so I guess that counts.
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