So guess what I've done? Got myself into a really...REALLY. weird situation. Funny thing is...I can't say a whole lot about it. That would be wrong. But I've got to say something at least to get it off my chest. Don't you just love how human nature is that you have to just say some things out loud for you to be okay with them or to feel like you have some sense of belonging?
So the question is. What do you do when you find yourself...how do I say...wedging yourself in the middle of a couple's relationship? I guess that's the best way. Many of you may know it better as simply being into a girl who has a boyfriend. lol. Take your pick, I don't care.
But normally such a situation is pretty clear cut. Leave it alone...let it be...too bad, too sad. Right? But then what if you've done and made that clear and then the girl kinda...gets torn between what she knows is right versus what what she wants. Well then I guess I kinda feel like a home wrecker. They were doing fine before all this. Well at least it seems. I guess you could argue obviously not if this is happening now, there was some problem before hand that let her open up and get to where you two are at now. Maybe.. I don't know. Which makes me kinda feel like a douchebag. Because she'd probably be all 'la-de-da' and happy without me stepping into the scene and making things all complicated. I know she cares about him, I know she loves him. But then what are we? How did any feelings get transferred between us? I guess it's just a confusing circle. So anyway, it seems that now I look back at myself on this I see two versions of me.
Version A:
Chris, that's messed up, wtf are you doing? She has a boyfriend, dude. Even if you like her, and even if she has a little something for you, you have no right to get involved with any of that. You need to back off and just realize how things are sometimes, this just isn't the one for you. You should feel bad for coaxing her into your little world, it's not fair to you, her, or ...him. So let it go and leave her alone. Go against everything you feel to do what is right.
Version B:
Man. I can't believe I got myself into this. But she obviously likes you back. The heart wants what it wants, so if that's how's she feels just go with it, right? Yeah, she has a boyfriend, but she'll either break up with him, or you'll just continue like you are right now. Consider it a...compromise. A compromise that if you can't date her, at least you can still be...whatever it is you are with her now, because dammit she makes you happy, and you obviously make her happy...so...it is what it is, the rest is out of your hands.
The problem is version B is winning. Well, when I'm with her at least. Then as soon as she leaves and we start texting or whatnot...version A pops up and hits me in the back of the head. I guess that shows I have SOME morals, I just have a really hard time sticking to those said morals. So the question becomes, which one do I want to stick with? I know which one serves my immediate gratification, and makes me feel happy...and like I matter to someone for once.. And which one is technically proper.
And before you start thinking negatively about said girl, she's a beautiful, awesome, and amazing person that means the world to me. But things happen, and we can all end up being in a situation we didn't foresee happening in the first place. That's part of life, and that's why life is complicated and confusing...and..yeah.
And then there's the whole other issue I can't really talk about. Man, my life is complicated.
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