Gahhh, really?!

You know when you get excited about something and it just feels like you have to grab someone and tell them? I've had so many of those lately, but instead of actually shouting at people, I find it much easier to just say it here, and whoever reads it - well reads it.

Anyway, with that said... I really feel like the luckest person alive right now. I can't believe that i've actually found someone who makes me this happy. I know I know, it might just be the new of it all but I really don't recall in all of my past being like I am right now. it almost makes it hard to think how I was getting by the last year and a half, but somehow I did, and now I know it was completely worth the wait.

I could definitely get use to this. :)

You'll be the death of me, I swear it.

Sooo. Hmmm. So for the first time in over a year (a very negative, hateful year) i can finally say I'm not single. But it's more than that, it's not just about being able to say you have someone - it's about being happy, and this girl is pretty damn good at making me feel the happiest I have felt in a long time.

Now it doesn't mean I'm not scared as hell, because I definetly am. I hate the fact that I constantly fear that people are going to walk out on me. Of course I do have to admit that for some reason I really do naturally trust this girl, which is extremely rare. She's the first girl that I've really opened up to and let in.

I guess I'm just hoping that she's doing the same.

Confusion Is My Middle Name

You know, it's not often I expose myself and make myself vunerable these days, but this one girl has gotten me to do just that, and it's rather awkward in a way. Even Monday when she confessed her doubts to me, I still... Well I don't know; typically that would have been the point where I shut her out and put up my wall because that's just how I am.

But for some reason, I can't do it. There's something about her that makes me so comfortable, even when people try to tell me she's flakey. Does that mean that I'm easily setting myself up to get hurt, possibly, but something just keeps telling me I need to give this girl a chance, I just need to get her to give me one.

And you know, maybe she is, and I'm just being stupidly impatient, but after the conversation Monday it's left me a little confused as to what she wants, I mean I know what she acts like she wants, and I hope it is in fact more than just an act.

Gah i'm such a sap.